After feeding the 5,000.
Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Shortly before dawn (around 3am) Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,”they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” Jesus said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)
My journal entry that night:
Full moon over the beautiful Sea of Galilee. I am standing on the shore, watching how the moonlight casts a direct path of light over the water. My body is casting a long shadow over the water because the moon is behind me.
When Jesus walked on water, the scriptures say it was almost dawn, so I know the moon was low. But was the moon behind Jesus, or shining in front of him? He would have deserved to have it shining on His face but we all know Jesus didn’t get what He deserved while living on this earth.
I know the moon doesn’t really shine on its own; rather, it reflects the sun’s light. The sun gives off light, which means it’s luminous. But the moon is illuminated, which means it’s lit up by reflecting the sun’s light.
So, if the moon’s reflecting light was indeed in front of Jesus did it create a well lit path of glory for Peter to walk on as he made his way to Jesus?
But what if the moon was shining behind Jesus? Did Jesus cast a shadow in the center of the moonbeam to create a reassuring liquid blacktop for Peter to walk upon? A path shaped like Jesus? A one-way Jesus Street! “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6)
This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. I’m sure I could Google but in this moment it seems so irreverent. Besides, I like imagining. Tonight, I imagine the moon must have been behind Jesus because it seems the disciples couldn’t make out Jesus’ face and thought they were seeing a ghost. (Kind of like when we take a photo shooting into the sunlight, it always darkens the subjects face.)
…but then they heard His voice…
Sheep know the sound of their shepard’s voice.
But now the imagery of the majestic Jesus shadow brings to mind the very first verse I ever committed to memory as a new believer.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1-2)
I looked up and saw a shooting star and then a huge seagull fly over my head. Out of the corner of my eye, it was the gull’s leading shadow that caught my attention first – it was twice the size of the actual bird.
Many years ago God instructed me to just get out of the boat.
So I did.
Then He instructed me to walk my walk with Him as my only focus.
So I walked, even though I couldn’t see where I was going.
Now He tells me to run to Him across the waters now that I have my bearings.
Sometimes I’m slowed down by the spiritless winds of my own thoughts.
Sometimes I lose my footing on the waves of off balancing “what ifs?”.
But Jesus says: “Run to Me in confidence. I AM perfect at rescuing people. You have absolutely nothing to fear, trust me and run!”
“Always keep your focus on me as you run the race I set before you. The same way I make streams in the desert and paths in the wilderness – I will make a way through the winds and the waves for you. I Am El Roi – the same God of Rueben who sees all…especially when you can’t. I AM your promised and secure foundation.”
So I run as if my life depends on it.
Because it does. If I take my eyes off Him, I tend to sink under the heaviness of this world. If I wiggle my hand out of His and run out before Him, I’m left vulnerable to self.
But if I keep my gaze tuned to His, I stay above the waters. I like it here, it brings life to my soul and feels a whole lot better than struggling to breathe. Here, I can see things, like moonbeams, shooting stars, heart-stirring shadows that create a path to wholeness like never before.
Here, I see His glory. I can see The Light of The Father beaming behind JC, creating an aura of glory all around that points to the shadow I’ve spent many moons learning to hang out in. I wish sleep weren’t a requirement for the day tomorrow, I could stay here all night imagining Jesus standing on this lake.
But I know this won’t be the last time I see His glory. It’s always there, on my own moon-lit lake, in the eyes of my children and grandchildren, in the smile of those I love, in the prayers of loved ones, in the ministry I’ve been called to. It’s in the moon, the stars, the sunrise, even the sand I’m sitting on. He’s everywhere if I just look with eyes and a heart to see because I believe every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)
Father, may I never stop looking for your glory. May I never stop chasing after you nor step one foot to the right or left outside of your will and protective shelter as you go before me into every situation, everyday and always. Help me to live in constant communion and awareness of your presence in my life, always in awe of your glory. Truly you are the Son of God and I rest in your shadow of grace in complete and total faith knowing that in staying behind you, I step into a life illuminated by your glory, power and love.
The name of our boat: Reuben
Polly Spence 